


letters for a sun (by yours truly, a moon)

by norenminhyucks



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: M/M, astronomy au, kinda angsty maybe, mention of renmin, renhyuck
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-31
Updated: 2019-01-31
Packaged: 2019-10-20 02:46:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,511
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17613959
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/norenminhyucks/pseuds/norenminhyucks
Summary: if you were the sun, i was totally the moon. the sun who shines by itself and makes everything around it bright and beautiful, and the moon who needs the sun to shine so the moon itself can do it too.





	letters for a sun (by yours truly, a moon)

letter 1 

dear sun,

 

how are you? are you doing fine? i hope you’re taking care of yourself, always remember your health and well-being comes first before anything else!!

today it’s february 2nd, 2 years ago today we spoke for the first time, i still have that memory engraved deeply in my heart, impossible not to; the day when a red haired boy approached me at the park at midnight, just to show me a meme they’ve seen on instagram that made them laugh. _“hey stranger, check this out”._

that day our paths crossed like two parallel lines meeting for the first time, perfectly matching with each other staying still too afraid to make a bold movement that could make the connection break, like a small act could make it all come crashing down.

 _a “hi, i’m sun. who are you?”_ came from you after you stopped laughing at your phone, since the first moment, i thought you were a beautiful with a soft voice. before i said answered your question, i asked you why did you call yourself ‘sun’, you said it’s because you loved the sun itself, how it shined on it’s own and had the duty to light up the entire world, every corner, every person. so i introduced myself as ‘moon’. i loved the moon, the way it made the night sky look beautiful and bright, making the darkest time of the day not seem so dark anymore. i went to that park at dusk, so i could watch the moon rise and do it’s magic, and stayed for a few hours just to enjoy the silence and peacefulness. that’s also kind of why you went to the same park hours later, so you could watch the sunrise and admire the big star who makes the world bright.

 

since that moment we would meet at the same park and same hour every friday and saturday night, we agreed in not revealing our real identities, just enjoying the moments we would spend with each other. walking to that park and talking to you was the moment i looked forward to the most during my weekend days. we would talk about everything and nothing, from small talks to conspiracy theories.

you are amazing, i treasure the memories we made on that park. our park.

i’m sorry this is sad, just being a lot nostalgic here, remembering our secret moments together. but it’s our 2nd anniversary of friendship! cheers to us!

 

bye bye, bright sun!

 

  * by yours truly, a moon



 

# ☼

 

letter 2 

dear sun,

 

i got news for you… i finally got into college! i hope you’re as happy and excited as i am, you know how this has been my dream for the longest time, and the best part is that i will be majoring in astronomy, just how i wanted to.

remember that night when we talked about our dreams and what we wished to become after we graduated, turns out we were both juniors, only one more year ahead of us before we said goodbye to the high school life.

what i wanted was clear since the beginning, astronomy is something i am still so passionate about, now i get to dedicate my time to learning about planets, stars, comets, and so many things that are out there.

 _‘obviously that your thing was the astronomy. i see the way your eyes lit up when you talk about things like the comets, the planets and the stars. your face changes entirely, it makes you really happy. you’re truly a moonchild, you know, you belong to the night, it’s the time you love the most and i see the way you look up to the moon and admire each one of it’s qualities.’_ that’s what you said.

your wish wasn’t so clear though, you didn’t mentioned anything you would like to study or dedicate yourself to, ‘ _i want to travel the world, see it all like the sun can. wouldn't it be beautiful?’_ were your words. you didn’t have a passion for something? anything that made your heart keep pounding in your chest, or that made your future seem more exciting.

you would’ve been a good singer, you know? you had an affinity for singing and you can’t deny that.you sang for me a couple of times and your voice is beautiful, a soothing sound coming out of the brightest person that i ever met. i mostly remember that night when you mentioned i’m like a moonchild, a song named just like that. ‘moonchild’

 

_“moonchild, you shine_

_when the moon rise_

_it’s your time”_

 

i still listen to that song sometimes, i find peace in it, and reminds me of your voice. i wish i would’ve recorded you singing to it, i found your voice comforting.

this went offtopic, but i like to remember all of the little moments we went through together. but however, i will study hard and think of you whenever i see the sun.

 

bye bye, bright sun!

 

  * by yours truly, a moon



 

# ☼

 

 

letter 3 

dear sun,

 

it’s june 6th.. you know what it means right?

it’s your birthday today!! happy birthday bright sun, i hope it’s a day full of happiness and positivity for you. you deserve it all.

remember that birthday we spent together the year we met? it happened on a sunday, you said the week prior that it was your birthday. you were sad because you didn’t have any plans for that day. that’s why we agreed to meet exactly at 11:50pm on the saturday at the park, so we could be together the time your birthday started on that sunday.

remember the birthday cake i bought for you? a small chocolate cake with the shape of a sun, i remember how you bit down your lip to refrain yourself from crying. you thought it was the sweetest thing someone had made for you in a long time.

you ended up crying anyway, but still hugged me tight and kept repeating thank you’s again and again.

i remember the warm feeling in my chest when i say how happy you were, i wanted to you be happy at all times, and knowing the sun was smiling thanks to something i did was the most rewarding thing in my life.

we spent hours sitting there until the sunrise, it was the first time i stayed with you until it happened. i always left earlier to get the rest i needed.

 

for the first time, i had the chance to admire the way your gaze softened at the sight of the sun rising and making ourselves perfectly visible to the rest of the world.

for the first time, i noticed how tan your skin really was, how your almost orange hair shined adamantly making yourself look even more beautiful.

for the first time in my life, i felt my heart my heart beat at an abnormal pace, so loud i could feel it in my ears, i couldn’t even hear the words coming out of your mouth; but the moment you turned your face to look at me and smiled gracefully, everything around me stopped for a moment and i wished that moment could freeze and last forever.

sadly, it didn’t. you got up and waved your goodbyes while you thanked me again for the cake and for staying with you until the sunrise. today i wished i would’ve offered to accompany you home.

i was too much of a coward to do it, that’s why i could only watch you walk away before i went my own way too.

if i had offered that time, would you had said yes? or declined my offer completely?

at least you started your birthday that day on a good note, i made you smile.

 

bye bye, bright sun!

 

  * by yours truly, a moon.



 

# ☼

 

 

letter 4 

dear sun,

 

have you ever kissed somebody, in such emptiness that you can only feel the way both pair of lips awkwardly interact with each other and the only thing in your mind is how terrible this is even if you tried to change it?

that’s what i felt today, when a boy who i’ve been seeing for a while now kissed me. his name is jaemin, he’s a very charming person, full of smiles and tons of confidence, he’s a very sweet person also, always complimenting me and hyping me up whenever i needed it with collage work. but when we kissed today for the first time, i felt nothing, no ‘spark’ and no ‘fireworks’. to make it real i don’t have any deep feelings for jaemin, like i said, he’s very special, but he’s not really the type for me.

 

but have you ever kissed somebody, and felt your entire body on you body and the only thing in your mind was how you could never get enough of this person, you wanted to know it all about them and discover all of the little things they hid?

that’s what i felt the time i kissed _you._

 

that september sunday night, at our regular place.

when you arrived, at first instance i could tell there was something bothering you, i didn’t want to ask at first because if it was important you would’ve told me already, right?

 

_‘hey moon, do you think i’m a likeable person?’_

 

i was left dumbfounded for a few seconds. you? a likeable person? you were more than just that and i found it difficult to believe that you maybe thought that you weren’t, you were funny, sweet and very intelligent, you listened to me whenever i went on a tangent about astronomy things, you were easy to talk to and knew how to keep a conversation going and interesting. and that’s exactly what i told you.

 

_‘then why no one seems to want me in their lives?’_

 

after those words, i heard a sniff coming from my side. when i turned around the sight made me feel uneasy, you were looking up at the moon as the tears rolled down your cheeks, you tried hiding your face with your palms to stop the sobs from coming out loud. i didn’t know what to do, it was the first time i saw you crying from sadness and i couldn’t say where it came from exactly.

 

_‘what do you mean about that, sun? no one wants you in their lives? it seems like i am no one now, nice to meet you. sorry, but that’s ridiculous? if anyone made you feel like that there’s to point on paying attention to it. even if it’s not much, you have me now, i’d give up everything i have only if i meant i could have you by my side. sun, stop crying. i swear you are the most amazing person i know-’_

 

_‘bullshit. all of it. we don’t even know each other’s real names, we’re basically strangers’_

 

that was your reply when you didn’t even let me finish what i was saying, and until this day those words keep playing in my head like a broken record.

 

_‘i know you don’t mean that. who cares if i don’t know your real name, or that you don’t know mine. so what? now all of these nights never mattered? for seven months we’ve met here every weekend, shared the things we like with each other, i don’t know about you but every single one of it was special to me. you’re special to me’_

 

you looked at me dead in the eye. like you were debating with yourself about something secret to me, until you lifted your arms and grabbed the back of my neck and brought my face closer to your and in a quick moment our lips were attached to each other. the entire world felt like heaven to me. how your hands didn’t stay still and kept moving around in my nape, how i held tight to your hips. i could only give myself away to the moment, it felt like every piece of my came together at the second we became one.

 

you had stopped crying by the moment you untangled your lips from mine and pressed your forehead with my own.

_‘i’m so sorry moon. you’re special to me, too... you don't even know’_

 

on a wednesday the exact next week after that, i saw you somewhere else other than the park.

i saw you exiting a coffee shop with a cup on your hands. i stopped my tracks, i had to make sure it was really you because it didn't seem real; for a moment i thought i was hallucinating. to be honest i still was not sure if that person was you the moment i called your nickname, you turned around and i was met with your beautiful and soft features, confirming it was really my sun. you also stopped walking when your gaze met with mine, your eyes had a mix of surprise, and what it seemed to me was, fear?. i took two strides towards you before a yell came from the red car in front of you.

_‘hey, donghyuck. what are you doing? hurry up we’re gonna be late’_

 

 **_donghyuck_** **.**

 

**donghyuck was your name.**

 

you entered the car as fast as you could and i could only watch it drive away.

 

i spent the left two days of the week until friday night wondering why you looked so scared to see me outside our regular spot, i know it was kind of unusual, but that much?

on friday that same week, i went to the park as always before dusk and waited for you. i finally knew your name, and i was more than decided to reveal mine to you. it was only fair.

hours _passed_ , and _passed_ , and _passed_. sunrise came.

and nothing.

you never came.

neither you did the next day. or the week after.

 

i was so confused, what did i do wrong? i thought we were okay? you apologised for what you said last sunday, i said it was okay, the heat of the moment makes us do stupid stuff and that’s why you said what you said. we even kissed, for god’s sake. and you left that day with a smile on your face instead of one full with tears. why wouldn’t you show up again after that?

 

the coffee shop, that was the last time i saw you. you decided to leave just like that.

 

the last time i got to see your eyes, your hair, your cheeks, _you._

 

you left me stranded in the middle of that park, with a gift i had for you resting in my hands. a collar with a circle shape cut in half, on one them the word ‘sun’ was engraved on it, and the word ‘moon’ in the other.

when you put them together, clear and beautiful. ‘sun & moon’

i still wonder, where did it all go wrong. at what moment did you exactly decided to walk out of my life with no warning, am i wrong to thing that it was a selfish thing coming from you? not even considering how wrecked your depart could make me. maybe i am selfish, because i had no idea what was going on in your daily life, nor what made you say that no one wants you in their lives. 

i spent sleepless nights thinking about it, sometimes crying, sometimes just staring at the ceiling of my room.

 

i was hopelessly in love with you, sun, after that september 2 years ago, i’ve stopped going to that park like i used to do. i went everyday the entire month of february last year though, it is the month of our first friendship anniversary, just to see if you remembered it and decided to show up, turns you’re not as nostalgic as me, or didn't even care about me the way i cared for you.

i went again on june 6th, for your birthday, i went with a small cake made into a sun shape,  my tears falling down as i lighted up the candles and sang happy birthday to you, the one who never showed up that day. or any day before and after that.

sometimes i walk in front of it on my way to classes, but i never stay too long. i just look at it, reminiscing our moments together. i can never stay long, it hurts too much to remember how my own shining sun left my side. i really, really really wanted to hate you, to blame you for my suffering and sadness; i wanted to blame myself, for not being good enough, for not making you feel like you made me feel, because if i had done it that way you would've stayed or given an explanation at least, you would've faced me after i found out your real name and let me reveal mine to you. i just have to laugh, because perhaps you didn't even care about knowing my real name. or about me at all. now i don't blame anyone about it but destiny, this is what it wanted i guess. for us to be apart, we were not meant for each other.

i feel like a goddamn fool crying again as i write this letter, it still hurts like hell to know i was not special enough for you to stay with me.

bye bye, bright sun

 

  * by yours truly, a moon



 

# ☼

 

 

last letter 

dear donghyuck,

 

i loved you. i loved you like crazy, i came to the realization of it too late. the night we kissed was the moment i knew my feelings for you weren’t very friendly-like, i wanted to see you everyday and not only at the night time. i wanted to see you at your best and worst moments, at your rises and falls. at everything. i wanted to listen to your singing at all times, your laugh as beautiful as your voice. i wanted to hear more about the books you read, more about how you love michael jackson, more about your daily life, to know every little detail about your real self.

 

after a lot of thinking, i came to the conclusion of the real reason of why you loved the sun. you wanted to be like it and have the power to make your vicinities brighter and make people around you shine more than ever.

 

you made it, little sun, you turned me who admired the night for it’s loneliness and darkness into a real moon, which is sad. because truth is: if you were the sun, i was totally the moon. the sun who shines by itself and makes everything around it bright and beautiful, and the moon who needs the sun to shine so the moon itself can do it too. i guess that’s why i lost it all when i lost you.  maybe i can be a star, stars shine by themselves, are small but bright enough to light up the night sky. (out of all the stars, the sun will always be the most beautiful one.)

 

right now, wherever you are, are you singing your heart out to someone who needs it? are you making dumb jokes and weird faces to make them laugh? are you recommending songs to people who need new music in their lives? are you making someone shine like you made me do it? i hope all of it is true. making people feel good it’s what you did best.

 

i still have you engraved in my heart, my mind, and my fingertips, you’re impossible to forget and i don’t think i ever will. i only have left to thank you for the times your made me happy, you made me smile and brought many good things into my life i’ll always carry with me, you were my first real love- but perhaps, i'll give jaemin the chance he really deserves and stop comparing him to you when you're both so different and so unique in your own ways. i didn't reject him when we kissed, i was just so confused. if things don't work out it'd be fine, i'll be okay with waiting for the right person to walk into my life and make it spin around again.

 

this is my last letter, i realized i can stay admiring the moon and stop being like it. i can’t keep depending on a sun who’s not here anymore to make me shine, and by the looks of it, it will never come back. i can’t keep holding onto you because it's only destroying me. you won't read any of them anyways because they're not being sent, i found this could be a good way to let all my feeling out and maybe communicate with you again somehow even if these words won't reach you.

 

 

 

thank you for everything. for the songs, laughs and even for the tears.

bye bye, donghyuck

 

  * by yours truly, renjun, a star (even if you don’t know it)



**Author's Note:**

> if you got here thank you for reading and let me know what you think hehe
> 
> please know english isn't my first language so if there's any mistake i apologize


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